Patient Parenting

Raising kids is hard y’all! There is no rationalizing with them, they don’t think logically like we do, and their priorities are different. This isn’t a relationship you get out of- you’re stuck with them!

Let me start by saying that for the majority of us, the bad habits that our little angels have, started because we let them once. Adult brains understand when something is a special treat or circumstance. Kid brains think that that can become the new routine. Our dog has never slept in our bed. He sleeps in his crate and he loves it in there; that’s his little den! Have I wanted to let him sleep in our bed once or twice? YES! But I’m afraid the next night he will cry in his crate for two hours. I set the bar and I’m not moving it because it can start a routine that I don’t want to deal with.

These cycles can be hard to break and I say that because I’m working on breaking a couple right now! What I keep reminding myself of is that I attributed to the cycle in some capacity. I also keep in mind that this little human is living the life I want him to live. He doesn’t get many choices. He spends his day doing mostly what I want him to do- school, church, Disney, naps, bathroom, meals. Imagine living your life like that! You would be frustrated! That is what I keep in mind when my kid is having a rough day and I pick my battles.

How do I keep my s*** together when my kid is losing his!? I try to not raise my voice. As soon as I raise my voice, I know I’ve let it get too far out of my control. Jesus didn’t lose his mind when his disciples were being ridiculous so I need to check myself before I wreck myself!

I’ve also found it helpful to give transitional warnings. “We are going to eat in 5 minutes. You can keep playing.... Okay, food is almost ready! You have one more minute to play.” This helps prepare him mentally for what is to come next. It doesn’t work every time but I feel like he deserves a warning.

I follow-through on what I say. If he hits me with a toy, I take it. If he hits me with it the next day, I tell him I will throw it away if happens again and I take it. I will gladly throw/give it away if that happens again. I will remove a sticker from his chart. Whatever it takes for him to realize that I’m serious. Timeouts don’t always work for us and I personally don’t think that spanking my child for hitting me is teaching him a lesson so that doesn’t leave a ton of options but I find what will get his attention.

Minimizing his screen time drastically helps his behavior. He has never played with an iPad or cell phone- doesn’t know that those games exist or what YouTube is. Again, we set the stage early and we’ve stuck to that.

If I get upset and I react in a way that I wouldn’t want him to react to me, I apologize later for how I handled it. I explain that his behavior upset me but that I should manage my actions no matter what I’m feeling. This is exactly what I’m teaching him to do so I need to be the example of that! We talk a lot about feelings and that has helped. I also LISTEN to what he has to say. I like to reiterate what he said so he knows he’s being heard. “I want more milk.” “I understand that you want more milk but we are getting ready for bed and I don’t want you to have to go potty while you are sleeping. You can have juice with breakfast tomorrow. Does that sound good?”

It’s not easy. I’m failing every single day at something but I know that losing it won’t get us anywhere. I am in control of my reaction. I have to set the standard.

He needs consistency. Coparenting adds even more challenge to the mix so we talk almost every single day to make sure we are on the same page. We chat on speakerphone or on FaceTime with our son so that he’s hearing the same message. If we aren’t handling things the same, he has no idea what the standard is. The longer we have been separated, the more we need to try to be on the same page. The ultimate goal is raising our child to be a Christ-following, compassionate, healthy, honest adult.

No one expects perfection when it comes to parenting because there isn’t such a thing but being open to trying something new and setting an example you can be proud of is a great starting point!